I Was Her Child Again

Nowhere did amma use her dominating personality more than on her son.

Even after I had reached 30 years of age, she had insisted that she accompanied me to select my clothes. And I had to select what she decided. My cousins jokingly called her my costume designer.

As I grew even older, I started looking younger in her eyes. In the final few months of her life, when I was closeted with her owing to COVID lockdown, I had absolutely become her child. She was commanding me the way a mother would a small child. My 3 year old nephew next door was getting a far more mature treatment.

Had a neutral observer only heard my interactions with amma, but could not see us, he would have doubtless inferred (making some allowances for voices) that it was a 30 year old lady interacting with her 5 year old undisciplined child.

At first, such treatment was very annoying. I was used to her dominating character, but this was a new low! I also realized to my surprise that I was obeying her to a large extent, and at times in fact acting like a child of five. 143

But one day, about a month before my fiftieth birthday (I completed fifty years on May 19th), I started thinking about these weird happenings and realized something beautiful.

I was crossing what could be figuratively considered my half life. COVID was turning everything upside down in my business and profession. And now, amma was taking me back decades as a person.

Upside down. Front to back.

Fig 48: A big drop in my personal and professional “maturity” – Between March 2020 and June 2020, COVID had brought down my business and career to its knees, while amma had figuratively brought my personal life to its knees by making me look and feel like a small child. 

Is this an opportunity for me to start looking at leading a life that was new, fresh, and starting anew as a child would?

Of course, this was pure fantasy – a man of fifty cannot suddenly become a child of five. 

Or, can’t he?

When I thought about it a bit more, I realized amma was actually helping me try this wonderful transformation – by treating me like a child of five.

This extraordinary experience lasted almost two months, and it was really remarkable and memorable while it did.

How I wish to hear those stern remonstrations again!

Kolams <= I was her child again => And then she became my child

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Notes

143. Psychologists call such behaviour by children who revert to childhood roles and behaviors as regression. In many cases, the term is used with a negative connotation, but in my case my regression was productive and positive

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HOME> LIST OF CONTENTSYou can also read Amma the fun way!

SECTIONSAMMA | TICKING TIME BOMBS  | AMMA AND ME  | LEG PAIN  | COVID AND AMMA’S LAST DAYS  | HEALTH AND MEDICINE  | THOUGHTS

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